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| Mohammed Hanif Khan |
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
UK: Muslim cleric assaulted boys at Stoke on Trent mosque
Monday, January 10, 2011
'Paedophile Ringleaders' jailed
Friday, January 07, 2011
Girls drugged for underage sex
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| Detective Supt. Debbie Platt |
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Nursery worker arrested in UK on suspicion of sexual abuse
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
As you know I had an an assessment session with the counselling service last week and at the time was both relieved and happy that things were finally on course. Unfortunately the euphoria proved to be a little premature.
I'm used to dealing with persistent, unpleasant memories; they're part of my life and aren't going away. However I usually only have to deal with one slice of history at a time. I hadn't allowed for the fact that in the space of an hour I detailed the whole list of events covering the 15 years between the ages of 3 and 18.
It was like watching an out of control slide show and I was left completely helpless in the face of so much horror. Seeing yourself as a cowering toddler, an abuse victim, being bullied and then suffering at the hands of your stepfather is not something I'd recommend to anybody.
With the help of my superb GP and the Exeter Crisis Management Team I've got things under control again and now have access to help, should I need it, at any time from people who have access to the full story. Just knowing that the help is available makes an enormous difference.
I'm still certain that counselling is the right course and now I know what I'm dealing with I hope I can control things a little more.
Sorry this couldn't be a more uplifting post.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
First steps on a long road
Yesterday morning I had a preliminary consultation with one of the psychologists running the counselling programme for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse. My local health authority has only been working in this area for 2 years and this is actually the first fully planned programme.
The programme proper won't actually start until March next year and it will be group based. In the past I've resisted any attempts to bring me into group therapy because nobody was making any effort to ensure that participants were "like minded", there was a tendency to just lump everybody suffering from emotional problems into an homogenised group.
That isn't intended to disparage anybody suffering from depression for any reason whatsoever. The point is that suffering childhood abuse brings its own unique emotional issues and, as I've said more than once in the past, only those who were abused as children have the faintest idea what it's really like.
Perhaps the most startling revelation was that I won't be the oldest person in the group by a considerable margin. One of the people I'll be meeting next March is 10 years older than me and has recently, like me taken the decision to finally face the past. One of the key traits of abuse survivors is effectively denying our past and getting on with life, albeit somewhat ineptly.
There were a couple of other things that we discussed yesterday which I'll put into a follow-up post. Hopefully they'll spark some discussion.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
'Rogue Clerics' is a book by Anson Shupe
"During the past several years the mass media in the United States has been awash with reports of priestly pedophilia, ecclesiastical cover-up, and clerical intimidation or financial settlements intended to silence victims. Based on journalistic accounts, or scholarly research, it might be assumed that this is a recent phenomenon. Journalist reports began only within the past few years. Similarly, most sociologists of religion and particularly specialists in deviance and criminology did not reflect awareness of clerical misbehavior in their work. Despite this, Anson Shupe shows that clergy deviance, whether it is sexual or otherwise, is not merely a recent problem. It is as old as the church itself and is inevitably bound to recur due to the nature of religious groups."Anson Shupe is professor of sociology at the joint campus of Indiana University-Purdue University Fort Wayne and is a member of the graduate faculties at both institutions. A prolific writer dealing with religious movements, clergy misconduct, violence, and inequality, he has most recently authored Agents of Discord: Deprogramming, Pseudo-Science and the American Anitcult Movement with Susan E. Darnell."
The publishers website from which you can preview and buy the ebook or a printed version, I understand.
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Saturday, November 13, 2010
London Court of Appeal: Diocese MUST compensate boys it abused
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Parents who adopt abused children hampered by lack of support
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| Gay adoptive family hopefully without these extra challenges |
Parents who adopt are being failed by a woeful lack of support and understanding of the needs of the country's most vulnerable children.
“While a shortage of adopters means that more than 85,000 children are in care across the UK, many families who do adopt complain of being unprepared for the difficulties and of facing threadbare or non-existent support services” said Jonathan Pearce, chief executive of the charity Adoption UK.
"Once children are adopted from the care system they become forgotten children. There's this 'happily ever after' myth, but the reality is far from that," he said, adding that many parents feel judged when they go back to social services asking for help.
Fiona, 42, from Perthshire
For parents trying to do what's best for their children, not knowing the full extent of their early experiences can be a huge hindrance. For Fiona, 42, from Perthshire, it was not until her daughter reached puberty and started to neglect her personal hygiene that she decided to go back to the adoption agency to check if there was any information that hadn't been shared with them at the time.
"When we had our daughter placed with us aged six, we were told she had been neglected by her birth mother who had learning difficulties and didn't really understand her needs. When at 13 her behavior became quite strange, I went back and demanded to read the files. That's when I found out she had been abused physically and, it was suspected, sexually," she said. "I was still offered absolutely zero help or support afterwards, although I was so disgusted with the social work team concerned that I don't think I'd have accepted any from them anyway. But at least then I finally understood what we were dealing with."
Hannah, 44, from Leicestershire, adopted Tom, now 14, 10 years ago.
"Then far less was understood about brain development and behaviour. But today I still hear adoptive parents asking the same questions I was asking, so I wonder what has changed.
"The thing I was never told is that you cannot parent these children like an ordinary child – you can't have a naughty stair or time out or controlled crying because you reinforce their understanding of abandonment. My son was weeing all over the place and his bedroom stank to high heaven, but only later was it explained that he was recreating the smells of his cot when he was a baby.
"The social workers kept telling me it was fine; he was attached because he was happy to give cuddles, it was normal. But they didn't understand, my son would give any stranger who came to the door cuddles – he just wanted adult attention.
"I was made aware that children like my son would need extra care. I totally believed that, give it three years and he would be as if he was born to me. What actually happened was that he was extremely distressed by his early experiences. With hindsight he was showing classic developmental trauma. He would push me away at the same time as wanting a hug, he would destroy things, threaten me, have tantrums that seemed to come out of nowhere, he would threaten to hurt himself and talked about killing himself – which came as such a shock as I did not realise four-year-olds could think like that.
"He would punch himself in the face, bang his head against the wall, his speech was delayed and he found it very difficult to be away from me at school. He was permanently excluded at the age of nine, unable to read or write.
"I asked for help from day one. I was told in a letter: 'There is nothing wrong with this child and you need to get on with being a family'. I discovered about Family Futures, a therapist unit in London, but was refused funding. When I finally got a charity to pay for an assessment four years later they said it was probably too late.
"As Tom got older he started to run away. I had police helicopters out searching for him when he went missing for 11 hours aged eight. One day on a walk with the dogs he came at me with a huge stick and then started throwing boulders at me. I was scared he was going to kill me. At the end of that tantrum he ran away from me and fell down sobbing that he wanted to die. It got worse and worse.
"I never stopped fighting for him and eventually got him into a residential unit at great cost to the local social services. They all agreed they did not have the right services available locally, but it took years to get to that stage. I had to prove I had tried everything.
"Support until then was non-existent, ineffectual or patronising. I was asked by emergency social services one evening as he was threatening me with a knife: "Have you tried after-school clubs?"
"In between this he was a lovely, kind boy. But being left to struggle was horrendous, its taken on a toll on my health and my income. My son is now 14 and doing well, but with hindsight had I known what I know now, things could have been a lot different for him, a lot earlier."
Saturday, November 06, 2010
What is The Grey Room?
Malcolm writes: The title of this blog "Leaving The Grey Room" was my idea. My original intention was to create a blog to pass on any helpful information from my forthcoming counselling sessions. After talking to Micky the idea evolved into a much broader concept; to reach out to anybody who has survived abuse in childhood and to break the taboo that surrounds this pernicious evil. Now I'd like to tell you the real meaning of the title...
In its most literal sense the Grey Room is my childhood and teenage bedroom. When I was 12 I was, for the first time in my life, allowed to choose the colour scheme when Dad decided my room needed redecorating. Almost without hesitation, and to my parent’s discomfort, I chose grey and resisted all pressure to select a brighter colour.
The colour seemed to epitomise my life at that time; there was hardly any fun left in it. Continuing abuse coupled with bullying at school was causing depression and I seemed to be constantly in trouble at home. I wasn’t allowed out even for a little while on school days all I did was study and practice my violin although, in fairness violin was my one joy. To make matters worse, First and Second Formers at my school wore grey shirts to identify them as the lowest of the school’s low.
I was being isolated from the boys I’d grown up with simply because they all went to the local Secondary Modern school while I went to Grammar school and my parents had high expectations.
My room was also the place to which I was banished following physical punishment, usually with the words “now get out of my sight!” ringing in my ears while I hastily readjusted my clothes. Thus my grey room became synonymous with punishment and imprisonment.
The Grey Room is also a metaphor for the effect those various forms of childhood abuse have had on my adult life. Depression, mood swings and a general feeling of inadequacy have been an almost constant feature and all too often the outlook has seemed well, grey.
My hope is that when I start my counselling sessions in December I can start to metaphorically repaint The Grey Room with a brighter colour scheme.
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Nursery "provided an ideal environment" for woman's child abuse"
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| Jim Gould - Report |
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Stories of childhood abuse
Both our Story Pages have now been posted for you to read.Just click on the tabs under the picture.
A third 'Story page' is coming soon.
We'd like to debate some of the issues raised in these personal accounts and are planning to do this on the general blog so that you can join in by using Comments and Emails.
If you email us we both receive a copy and one of us will always reply to you.
If you are a survivor of abuse and would like to share your own story, whatever form your ordeal took, you can do so (under a pen name if you wish). Simply email us and either include your account in the text or attach it as a Word or Pages document or you could arrange to give us access and publish it privately as a Google document.
If you'd like to discuss things with us privately prior to submitting your own story of abuse then you're very welcome to do so.
This is a place where you can feel safe to publish your own story - perhaps for the very first time - and be sure that you'll receive a sympathetic response because we've been through it too.
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