We were victims of childhood abuse in our differing ways and here we'll share something of what happened to us.

Your comments and contributions are very welcome - and if you're a Survivor of childhood abuse then please, share your story with us.

And if you can, then please help us to all help each other by adding to our Links List of resources for Survivors of Abuse.

You're very welcome to leave us a Comment on a post or you can email us.

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Nursery worker arrested in UK on suspicion of sexual abuse


A male nursery worker from Birmingham (England) has been arrested on suspicion of the sexual abuse of a child.
Officers arrested the 20-year-old man at his home in Nechells in the early hours of Wednesday.
A number of items, including a computer, were seized and are currently being examined by specialist investigators, police said.
The man is an assistant at Little Stars Nursery in Nechells. Parents are being contacted by police.
The nursery, which currently has 55 children attending and 14 members of staff, has been closed, a police spokesman added.
A telephone line for parents has been opened with specialist staff on hand to offer advice and support. The number is: 0121 675 4806.
'Victim identified'
Assistant Chief Constable Anil Patani said: "The investigation is in its very early stages; however we believe that we have identified one victim who we believe attends the nursery.
"The family of this child have been told and police are supporting them at this very difficult time."
A joint investigation is being carried out by the force and Birmingham City Council's children's services.
Police said a meeting would be held for parents with children registered at the nursery where senior officers and council officials would provide an update on the investigation.
Mr Patani added: "West Midlands Police and Birmingham City Council do not underestimate the significance this news has on parents and the local community."
The nursery was issued with an improvement notice by Ofsted in August after an unannounced inspection revealed it did not have an effective safeguarding children procedure.
It was given a good rating after a subsequent inspection in November.
'Keep parents informed'
Ofsted said the nursery "supports children who speak English as an additional language".
The facility is also open to children with learning difficulties and disabilities.
In a statement Ofsted said it was aware of the investigation and was working closely with the police and the local authority to assist and consider what action needs to be taken.
"We fully understand how worrying this situation is for parents but it would be inappropriate to make any further comment at this stage of the police investigation.'
Birmingham City Council said it was also working closely with West Midlands Police and would continue to keep parents informed.
"We've set up a helpline with specialist staff to offer help and advice," the spokesman added.
The nursery is not run by the local authority.
We have reproduced this story from the BBC News website, with thanks.

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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

"I never abused her" but the Court has found differently.


Martin Smith
Picture from BBC News

A man whose partner is accused of murdering their two children has been found guilty of child sex abuse.
Martin Smith, 45, of Carlisle, had denied 11 counts of rape, attempted rape and indecent assault on his victim, who is now in her 20s.
But he was found guilty of the charges at Manchester Crown Court on Wednesday.
His partner, Lianne Smith, 44, is accused of killing their children Rebecca, five, and Daniel, 11 months, in a Spanish resort in May.
Smith, originally from North Shields, used hypnosis and violence to groom and sexually abuse the girl, the court heard.
Giving evidence via video link from Spain where she is being held in custody, Lianne Smith said she had never had any concerns about her partner of 18 years.
She said they had left the UK to "protect" their daughter Rebecca after social workers had "threatened" to take her away.
"We left to protect Becky, so... sorry, we left to protect her from Staffordshire Social Services," she said "and in particular to protect her from the social workers, who had a mission to take our daughter off us.  They had already made that threat on the telephone, they retracted that in front of our lawyer, but they made that threat."
Smith, who appeared on television as a medium three years ago on the Living channel's Most Haunted programme, was warned by the judge that a long custodial sentence was inevitable.
He was remanded in custody for reports, and will be sentenced in February.
Speaking after the trial, Det Insp Kim Filton from Cumbria Police praised the bravery of the victim.
She said: "The impact this prolonged abuse has had on the victim is immeasurable, but the bravery she has shown and the trust she has put in us from the outset has been tremendous.
"Her strength has been brought to this point today and I hope this result will help her to move on and begin to put the past behind her."
From the BBC website

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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

This is not a pleasant post to write but in the interests of complete honesty I believe that it needs to be written.

As you know I had an an assessment session with the counselling service last week and at the time was both relieved and happy that things were finally on course. Unfortunately the euphoria proved to be a little premature.

I'm used to dealing with persistent, unpleasant memories; they're part of my life and aren't going away. However I usually only have to deal with one slice of history at a time. I hadn't allowed for the fact that in the space of an hour I detailed the whole list of events covering the 15 years between the ages of 3 and 18.

It was like watching an out of control slide show and I was left completely helpless in the face of so much horror. Seeing yourself as a cowering toddler, an abuse victim, being bullied and then suffering at the hands of your stepfather is not something I'd recommend to anybody.

With the help of my superb GP and the Exeter Crisis Management Team I've got things under control again and now have access to help, should I need it, at any time from people who have access to the full story. Just knowing that the help is available makes an enormous difference.

I'm still certain that counselling is the right course and now I know what I'm dealing with I hope I can control things a little more.

Sorry this couldn't be a more uplifting post.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

A British boy of 12 has killed himself.

Bradley Wiseman
A schoolboy hanged himself after playground bullies terrorised him for the way he talked, it is claimed.

Bradley Wiseman, 12, who it is claimed was being targeted because of his well-spoken voice, was found at his home on Monday.

Hundreds of friends have now blasted bullies on an online memorial page who are said to have tormented Bradley at his school in Edlington, South Yorkshire.

Shelly-Louise Hindley wrote on Facebook: 'Hope their guilt follows them always and they realise the severity of what they have caused. . . Rip bradly lovee.'

Anthony Rushton added: 'You don't deserve this, no one does. Its an awful shock to everyone, we have all been hurt by this.'

Since the tragedy earlier this week, neighbours have rallied round to help the boy's 37-year-old mother.

One neighbour said: 'We're all here for her. He was a lovely lad, so polite. It is completely out of character, he never would have done it if he wasn't being bullied at school.

'They bullied him because he talked politely, he was very well spoken, you wouldn't have known he came from round here.

'He was a lovely kid and it is so sad what has happened. We are all devastated.'

Rugby -mad Bradley attended Sir Thomas Wharton Community College and played on the wing for Doncaster Rugby Union Football Club's Under-12s.

His coach John Wills said: 'He was a lot of fun. There was no evidence of him being bullied at rugby practice or during games.

'He loved rugby and would come along with his mum and brother and sister.

'Bradley was really popular with all the other boys.'

Mary McCorry, headteacher at Sir Thomas Wharton Community College, said: 'Bradley had settled into school well and there have been no reports of bullying or any problems that we are aware of.

'On behalf of everyone at Sir Thomas Wharton, we are deeply saddened to hear of the sudden death of one of our pupils.

'Bradley was a bright and popular boy and will be very much missed at school. Our thoughts, prayers and condolences are with his family at this difficult time.'

An investigation by South Yorkshire Police has been started following the grim discovery at 4.30pm on Monday.

A spokesman said officers were not treating the death as suspicious.



From the Daily Mail, with thanks.


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Wednesday, December 08, 2010

First steps on a long road

Things have finally started moving on the counselling front so I thought I'd post a brief update.

Yesterday morning I had a preliminary consultation with one of the psychologists running the counselling programme for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse. My local health authority has only been working in this area for 2 years and this is actually the first fully planned programme.

The programme proper won't actually start until March next year and it will be group based. In the past I've resisted any attempts to bring me into group therapy because nobody was making any effort to ensure that participants were "like minded", there was a tendency to just lump everybody suffering from emotional problems into an homogenised group.

That isn't intended to disparage anybody suffering from depression for any reason whatsoever. The point is that suffering childhood abuse brings its own unique emotional issues and, as I've said more than once in the past, only those who were abused as children have the faintest idea what it's really like.

Perhaps the most startling revelation was that I won't be the oldest person in the group by a considerable margin. One of the people I'll be meeting next March is 10 years older than me and has recently, like me taken the decision to finally face the past. One of the key traits of abuse survivors is effectively denying our past and getting on with life, albeit somewhat ineptly.

There were a couple of other things that we discussed yesterday which I'll put into a follow-up post. Hopefully they'll spark some discussion.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Life for boy's abuser and murderer


Darren Newton

A man who murdered his girlfriend's 15-month-old son after months of filming himself abusing the little boy has been jailed for life.
Darren Newton, of Earby in Lancashire, England had denied killing Charlie Hunt but admitted 12 counts of cruelty. The baby died of head injuries in November 2009.
The prosecution at Manchester Crown Court said Newton, 32, took videos on his phone for "pleasure".
He must serve a minimum term of 24 years before applying for parole.
The jury took 40 minutes to find the factory worker guilty of murder and one count of child cruelty. They cleared him of another charge of child cruelty.
Newton named the video clips "crying, no toys in pen, ahhhh", "squeezing toe in cot", "two minutes of pain" and "shivering no water".
The latter was taken on a November night when Charlie was naked in an empty bath.
'Futile death'
In one graphic clip, titled "Happy slap", which was filmed two weeks before Charlie died, Newton was seen to slap the child 13 times on the head as he screamed and cried.
Jailing him, Justice Stephen Irwin ordered that the video clips be preserved so the parole board could watch them before he is eventually considered for release.


He told him: "It was spiteful and cruel behaviour. It was also inexplicable to any normal way of thinking.
"It was a series of repeated acts of cruelty for no obvious motive other than the wish to be cruel.
"Anyone who watches the video clips of some of what you did - and I'm convinced you recorded only some of what you did - will genuinely struggle to understand why you came to do this.
"Eventually you killed him. It was a futile and wasteful death of an innocent toddler."
This report is from BBC News.  There is more here.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Welsh boys' homes: Abuse Report recommendations under review


"Open and honest" discussions are being held to see if lessons have been learned from a report into child abuse in north Wales care homes.
The meeting involving health professionals and politicians comes on the 10th anniversary of the report.
It focused on the wide scale abuse that took place in the care system from 1974.
Report author Sir Ronald Waterhouse is to see what progress has been made against his 72 recommendations.
He was the chair of a tribunal which, over two years, heard evidence from 650 people who had been in care in north Wales since the 1970s.
Complaints were made to the inquiry about 40 homes in the old north Wales counties of Gwynedd and Clwyd, although most allegations centred on just seven.
Lost in care, a report of the tribunal of inquiry, was published in February 2000.
Delegates at the seminar at the Pierhead Building in Cardiff Bay include Wales' Children's Commissioner Keith Towler, whose predecessor was the first children's commissioner in the UK to be appointed as a direct result of Lost in Care.
He said: "I think it is timely a decade on for us to revisit those recommendations with the chair of the inquiry and with others to see whether we've moved on in our care for these vulnerable children.
"I'm looking forward to having an open and honest discussion with professionals and politicians."
Arranged by Voices from Care Cymru, an independent charity working with looked after children and whose patron is Sir Ronald, the seminar will also hear from Gwenda Thomas AM, Deputy Minister for Social Services.

Sir Ronald will speak with health and social work professionals about the lessons learned and analyse whether local authorities across Wales are now developing and implementing effective care plans for looked-after children.
David Melding AM, chair of the Welsh assembly's all-party group on looked-after children and the sponsor for the event, said: "Lost in Care was a landmark report and it is timely to monitor the implementation of its recommendations from time to time.
"There is no doubt that the central recommendation to establish a children's commissioner for Wales has had a huge impact on the work of the assembly in raising the profile of children's issues, especially those relating to the most vulnerable like looked after children."
This report is from BBC News
Lost in Care - Report of the Tribunal of Inquiry into the Abuse of Children in Care in the Former County Council Areas of Gwynedd and Clwyd since 1974 is available to read here
The abuse which was at the heart of the original enquiry was a truly horrendous catalogue of disaster involving boys from a number of local authority run homes who were both abused (physically, sexually and emotionally I believe) in those homes AND by a number of people, including local Councillors, who would take a child out for a day or just a night in order to abuse that boy before returning him to the home.
This episode was one of the seminal cases which changed the whole awareness of the abuse of children - and the institutional abuse of kids - which was almost endemic in many parts of England and Wales.
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Monday, November 29, 2010

School sports


From the film KES

With funding changes to school sports planned, a shift to a more competitive ethos is mooted, but there is likely to be a bitter battle for the heart of PE.
For many people PE encapsulates their unhappiest memories of school. They look back to blasted, windswept sports fields where shouting PE teachers in ill-fitting tracksuits marshalled unwilling pupils.
The classic fictional depiction is the 1969 film Kes, where Brian Glover's Mr Sugden takes part in a football match as both player and referee, awards himself a penalty and then remonstrates with Billy Casper by knocking him into the mud with a wet football.
It has that classic breeding ground for school social stigma - the picking of teams. An opportunity to further make life miserable for the group memorably referred to as the "wets, weirdos and fatties" in the sitcom, Red Dwarf.
The popular perception is that something started to change in the culture of sports and physical education in schools in the 1970s. Activities that didn't alienate the unsporty started to chip away at the dominance of competitive team sport.
But now there is to be a shift back towards competitive sport. The government is ending the ring-fencing of £162m of funding for School Sport Partnerships, which promoted co-operation in sport and PE provision between schools, as well as inter-school competitions.
Opponents say this will lead to money being used to plug gaps elsewhere in school budgets, but the government is instead focusing on its plans for Olympics-style competitions for schools.
But what everybody does agree on is the importance of PE. Adults may look back ruefully to being made to exercise in their underpants or do punishment laps of a field, but few would dispute the long-term benefits.
"Getting the regular habit of exercise ingrained controls weight later on in life," says Dr Andy Franklyn-Miller, a consultant in sports medicine.
This week his representative body, the British Association of Sport and Exercise Medicine, is to call for a health-focused segment to be incorporated into PE lessons.
Forged sick notes
But it's not just about obesity, Dr Franklyn-Miller says. Getting used to exercise helps avoid injuries later in life. Even basic routines like improving balance can be vital to developing children.
Educational consultant Sue Palmer, author of Toxic Childhood, has seen children arriving in primary school with difficulties with basic movement.
Comedian John O'Farrell has unpleasant memories from life at his all-boys school.
The dreaded Cross-Country run

"They have really poor physical skills and physical strength. They are coming through 'floppy' because of [early years spent] staring at screens."  It puts even more of an onus on PE teachers. And they have to make their subject fun. While you might be able to force children to learn something from academic lessons, a string of early Kes-style experiences might make some shun sport in adult life.
"My school didn't do football, so I was forced to do rugby. I was small and skinny... was thrown the wet, muddy ball and everyone tried to jump on my head."
Passing the ball immediately, even to the opposition, was O'Farrell's solution. He then tried basketball, but as a late-developer did not like playing in the "skins" team, without shirts.
"I tried to shoot for the hoop without revealing my bald, pre-pubescent armpits. The teacher would say 'shoot, O'Farrell, shoot… no, not underarm'."
O'Farrell started forging sick-notes from his mother and soon developed a cottage industry performing the same service for other boys.
Former headteacher Roger Hurn, author of 101 Dance Ideas, goes into schools to encourage the use of dance. He says children can be put off sport by bad experiences, as he was by a strict, rugby-mad PE teacher.
Danger
"I never played rugby again, the experience under that teacher was so horrible. I won't even watch it. It has a negative effect."
Modern PE is aimed at avoiding the above scenarios. A plethora of options have sprung up in recent years.
A recent government study found 37% of schools offered cheerleading. At a fifth of schools a child can learn yoga. Individual sports like boxing are on the rise, but traditional team games like rugby, hockey and netball are in decline.
Peripatetic practitioner William Allen, author of Games, Ideas and Activities for Primary PE, will try anything to get children's enthusiasm flaring. Street dance, tri-golf and American football are among the activities he uses.
"PE is now a gateway to doing things outside school," says Mr Allen.
But an older generation of PE teachers also remember great things being done in schools. Now retired, Ray Twentyman taught PE for more than four decades before retiring last year and focusing on coaching young athletes.
Starting out in the 60s at a school in Liverpool, he recalls excellent provision of football, rugby, cross country, tennis, athletics, and volleyball, among others.
"It was unusually good, but there were lots of other good schools," he says.
Cautious mindset
But by the 1980s PE teaching was becoming more prescribed, with the National Curriculum meaning many boxes had to be ticked.
"You did six-week blocks of a sport. I defy anybody to learn a game properly in six weeks," says Mr Twentyman.
Teachers also have a more cautious mindset.
"I liked kids to get stuck in. I think today, if it's raining or windy, they won't go out and play," he says.
His colleague Chris Sproat, now also retired, was disappointed at the limits the evolving health and safety culture imposed. Instead of just taking a group of children for a run outside school premises, forms had to be diligently filled.
Both teachers and children might want things to be a little freer.
"There are kids who like structured sport, but for the ones who don't we need to be more creative about encouraging them to be physically active," says Tim Gill, author of No Fear: Growing Up in a Risk Averse Society.
"That might mean introducing more fun, more choice and maybe a little bit of danger."
But whatever happens, the place of the brutal Mr Sugdens is hopefully gone. With funding cuts to school sports planned, a shift to a more competitive ethos is mooted, but there is likely to be a bitter battle for the heart of PE.
Below is a selection of your memories - good and bad - of PE
"I hated PE and our bullying, abusive secondary school PE teachers succeeded in convincing me that I was a fat, talentless no-hoper who just wasn't cut out for any sort of physical activity. (In reality, I wasn't, but as almost the smallest child in the class I certainly wasn't going to make a great impression at any of the school team sports). It was exactly the opposite of what a physical education should aim to achieve, and it's taken me twenty years to fully appreciate the importance of regular exercise and gain enough fitness to pursue it. Competitive sports can offer kids opportunity and a life-long healthy activity and I'm all for that, but the likes of aerobics, dance and martial arts can also achieve essential fitness gains and are more accessible after leaving school than, for example, netball. If we focused on the desired outcome - a generation of fit, healthy kids - then it would be easy to devise a menu of options to suit all tastes and talents. Of course, the inevitable cuts in funding won't help."

From the BBC 

Of course if you've read my Story (above) then you'll know why I've posted this story which started about the current round of spending cuts but finished up reminding me of just how oppressive and abusive school PE used to so often be.  I hope it's changed - but you can see from this that the wounds are still very raw.

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Sunday, November 28, 2010

Red Balloon (UK) is for kids who are bullied.


The aim of Red Balloons is the recovery of bullied children.
We provide an 'intensive care' full-time education for children aged between 9 and 18 who are unable to go to school because they have been severely bullied. At least half of the students we take have attempted or seriously considered suicide.
We promise the students whom we accept a safe environment with clear boundaries for behaviour, and an individual full-time academic, pastoral and therapeutic programme.
Once the students have regained their confidence and are able to cope academically and socially, we support them in their return to mainstream school, their entry to further education or to employment.

Their website has details of the Centres they run and those they are planning, together with more details and opportunities to donate towards their work.


If you can watch the programme about Bullying linked in our sidebar (it's on BBC iPlayer and so may not be available in some countries) - but that is about the work of the Red Ballon Centre in London and features several 12 to 14 year old who have been victims of bullying and who are trying to overcome their traumas.
More information from Red Balloon Learner Centres


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Saturday, November 27, 2010

Bill targets homophobic and trans. bullying in UK schools


St. George's School
Hertfordshire

Education secretary Michael Gove has said that the government will work with gay and anti-bullying charities to tackle homophobia in schools.
A white paper on education released yesterday said that homophobic bullying was on the rise and schools must take it seriously.
It said two-thirds of lesbian, gay and bisexual pupils are bullied because of their sexuality, while straight students are often subjected to anti-gay abuse too.
The white paper added: “Schools should take incidents of prejudice-based bullying especially seriously. It is important that they educate children about the differences between different groups of people and create a culture of respect and understanding.”
It cited a Christian school in Hertfordshire, St George’s Church of England school, which claims to have seen “near elimination of overt homophobia” through staff training on how to tackle the issue.
The document says that the government will “reduce unnecessary prescription and bureaucracy” and ensure that headteachers “feel empowered to do what they think is right”.
Mr Gove said yesterday that “political leaders and all of society” must tackle the “growing prejudice” of anti-gay harassment in schools.
Responding to a question from out gay Tory MP Iain Stewart, he said: “Homophobic bullying is on the rise in our schools, and homophobic terms are increasingly used towards gay students and straight students in a way that seeks to undermine the tolerance that we have built up over the past 15 years.
“We therefore need to work with organisations such as Stonewall and the Anti-Bullying Alliance, and to shine the light on schools such as St George’s Church of England school, which has done a fantastic job in tackling homophobic bullying.
“This requires work not only by school leaders but by political leaders and all of society to tackle a growing prejudice that is scarring our tolerant society.”
A Stonewall spokesman told PinkNews.co.uk: “We’re delighted that, after some years of discussion, both the nature of different families and homophobic bullying feature in the white paper.
“This is a hugely important step forward. We’ll continue to work with ministers, Ofsted and others until all schools are tackling the prejudice-based bullying which still blights the lives of too many young people.”
from Pink News, with thanks.