This is not a pleasant post to write but in the interests of complete honesty I believe that it needs to be written.
As you know I had an an assessment session with the counselling service last week and at the time was both relieved and happy that things were finally on course. Unfortunately the euphoria proved to be a little premature.
I'm used to dealing with persistent, unpleasant memories; they're part of my life and aren't going away. However I usually only have to deal with one slice of history at a time. I hadn't allowed for the fact that in the space of an hour I detailed the whole list of events covering the 15 years between the ages of 3 and 18.
It was like watching an out of control slide show and I was left completely helpless in the face of so much horror. Seeing yourself as a cowering toddler, an abuse victim, being bullied and then suffering at the hands of your stepfather is not something I'd recommend to anybody.
With the help of my superb GP and the Exeter Crisis Management Team I've got things under control again and now have access to help, should I need it, at any time from people who have access to the full story. Just knowing that the help is available makes an enormous difference.
I'm still certain that counselling is the right course and now I know what I'm dealing with I hope I can control things a little more.
Sorry this couldn't be a more uplifting post.
We were victims of childhood abuse in our differing ways and here we'll share something of what happened to us.
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